Everything I need to know, I learned in....

Some of the things I’ve learned about myself while in medicine:

1. I don’t like to work with my hands, I can, but I don’t like to. – Apparently I like to further refine my gift of the gab, my observation skills and my medical knowledge but frankly, I have no interest in doing procedures. The funny thing in medicine is that you have to be keen about everything kinda, which is hard for me when it comes to doing things. Today I watched my preceptor insert a tube into a man’s belly who’s alcoholic and whose liver has stopped functioning such that he has a constant buildup of fluid in his belly that he gets “tapped” every 3 weeks. I was keen to see it and especially to do the physical exam tests that we always do on normal people – it was great to finally see someone with abnormal findings so that you can tell what abnormal is! Anyway, it was pretty cool to see this guy have a tube put into his belly and have 8 L drained off and he was a good sport, very patient with my questions and curiosity re what that’s like for him. My preceptor told me that he thinks this will be a useful skill for me to learn and that I’ll do the next one in 3 weeks time. Great. Funny thing is that my rotation partner IS super keen to do procedures. Hmm, maybe I’ll find a way to pass the buck in 3 weeks time. I doubt it though.
2. My brain works in slow motion most of the time. – It takes me too long to think of snappy responses to questions re physiology, etc and I seem to have a 10 min time delay in most questions. As a result, when faced with a question that I don’t have the answer for immediately, rather than say “Let me think…” I say “I don’t know”. It’s my knee jerk reaction, and it’s the wrong one. Trying to retrain myself to just buy some time.
3. I’m not good at memorizing things anymore. - Drug names, and the plethora of other information to memorize doesn’t come naturally. I need to understand things now and that also seems to be a slow process for me, made much better by basic explanations in easy-to-understand language AND analogies. I love analogies – it really helps me.Oh yeah and little computer animations and videos. I'm a visual learner.
4. I’m extremely impatient with myself. – I get so annoyed with myself when I don’t know something immediately that it pretty much ruins my day and I walk around feeling like an idiot. Not sure what to do about that, but hopefully it will happen less often as I know more and more.
5. Paper letters ROCK. My sweetie has been sending me paper letters from BC while I do my thing here in Ontario and they regularly make my day. There’s something so much more personal about a paper letter than email. Maybe it’s the effort that’s involved in writing it and mailing it, but I think so much of it is seeing someone’s handwriting. So personal.Yes, this is a blatant invitation for you to write me a paper letter. :)
6. I prefer cold. – It’s hot in ON in the summer. Hot is not my thing. Cold seems to be. Or should I say cool, since Winnipeg kind of cold is also not my thing.
7. I need sleep. – I’m not good with minimal sleep. No one is, but I think it hits you less hard if you’re younger. I’ve been fortunate here so far but I’m sure there will be hellish parts to this year, lying in wait. I’m steeling myself up for it.
8. Occasionally I forget that I once had a real job that I was good at. – Often I feel like a perpetual learner (true) with a lingering sense of the imposter syndrome (? the jury's out), or at least the very strong sense (which I really believe is true) that my classmates know sooo much more medicine than I do. That sucks. I wish I could download textbooks into my head. No doubt you’ll eventually be able to, but not yet. And yet, the world will be so much more complicated when that happens.
9. At the end of the day, being friendly and curious with everyone- the people you work with, patients, their families, people you stumble upon during the day- takes you a long long long way. Daily I am reminded about something I learned well in my last career, that people will help you as a favour FAR better & faster than if they are made to help you because of your role or title. Kindness reigns supreme.
10. Medicine is awesome. I am constantly impressed and astounded by the honest and deeply personal (and often painful) stories that patients share with you each day just because you have the title "Dr". And for all my whining, I definitely feel like I have found the right career for me...for now. :)