Blue funk

• You’ve likely noticed a shortage of posts lately, that’s in part because I’ve been in a crappy mood and I don’t post when I’m feeling like that because, well, who wants to read that?? I feel sorry enough for my parents & the poor friends that don’t have the option to tune out (well, at least not without me noticing). Sorry about that – on both fronts.

• I’ve just started to become aware of how one of my habits may be having an effect on me. I noticed over this year that sometimes my self-deprecating humour has been a little too effective at keeping me well-grounded and that the cumulative effect has made me less self-confident about my knowledge and skills at times than I (perhaps) should be. Maybe because I had a few years of being relatively good at something (work), it’s that much more humbling and frustrating to go into something with such a steep (and long) learning curve. Now that I’ve identified the problem, I’m hoping to fix it somehow but since it seems to be a fairly well established habit, it will likely be a bit tricky to break. I’ll let you know how my own personal little cognitive behavioural therapy works on myself. That’s what’s been new with me lately on the medicine front. Plus some patient experiences too.

• I’m currently doing anaesthesia which has mostly consisted of starting IVs in people (more or less successfully), inserting breathing tubes into people that are paralyzed in preparation for surgery (stressful), and being quizzed on IV fluids, various drugs used for anaesthesia, the machinery the anaesthetist uses, and physiology. Don’t get me wrong, the anaesthetists are quite nice and have been good to me. I’ve just come to the end of my road(rope?) of being quizzed and feeling like an idiot as I struggle to wrack my brain on the biochemical mechanism of action of certain drugs AND try to learn just the right technique with your wrist to get establish a proper airway. This week, I’m tired of being a learner. I’d just like to know it already. That would be nice.

• So that’s my rant for this week. Tune in next time for some happy thoughts (or at least interesting ones). I promise. And hopefully you wont’ have to wait too long. :)