Not for me

• Well it's been an interesting week. Definitely not a drowsy one. I've seen a lot of really ill people and come to the conclusion that I don't want to be a psychiatrist.
• I think the main theme through the week for me has been fear. I'm not sure why I find psychosis so scary, but maybe it's all the media that's gotten to me over the years. I think I feel very ill-equipped to know how to deal with patients who are psychotic during an interview (or patients that hang around and stare at you from the background when you're interviewing another patient and make strange prayer/bowing/worshiping type signals towards me). I'm at a loss for what to say, how to calm them, and basically how to reassure them. Plus sometimes, it's just damn scary when you're visiting someone who's highly unpredictable, doing disturbing things to their room & walls (I won't get into details, but let your mind wander), in a locked room on a locked ward. My preceptor deals with psychotic patients pretty much exclusively - lots of schizophrenia and people with manic episodes having a psychotic break, and he's very comfortable around them. He's a little man though, and I was quite concerned when one of the patients were we seeing this week (a large woman) was forcing her way out of her locked room, pushing him out of the way, with no security in sight. Needless to say, I was making a BEELINE for the door and yet trying to appear calm but determined.
• Anyway, I guess I'll get used to it a bit but I don't think being a psychiatrist is something I'd enjoy.