Things you just can't say

I’ve noticed that on becoming a med student, there are certain things that people don’t want to hear you say. The funny thing is they’ll ask you a question, to which they really only want to hear one answer. I realize that this is true for most of us with the question “How are you?” with the usual socially acceptable response being “Fine” – but as a med student, people start to ask you more specific questions. Here’s what I’ve felt were some of the Q&A people would like to have vs what I generally give them. Q – So, how are you enjoying med school? A (they want to hear) – Oh it’s FANTASTIC! Now that I’m in it, I realize it’s definitely the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do. I can’t get enough of it. A (actual) – It’s pretty good. I hope it gets better when we start seeing patients. I’m in it more for the people than the science. Q – How did your exams go? A (they want to hear) – Great. They were tough, but I’m sure I aced them. A (actual) – Ummmmmm, they were brutal. I hope I passed. (to which I sometimes get an awkward pause or a glimpse of a semi-horrified expression as the person thinks “I don’t want any future doctor of mine to have scraped by in medical school.”) Q – What is your specialty going to be? A (they want to hear) – Well, while I’m interested in neurosurgery, I like people too much to have such little patient contact. So I’ll likely do family medicine. A (actual) – Maybe family medicine because I like people and I’m interested in a bunch of different things and it seems like that’s the one specialty where I don’t really have to pick one. Plus it’s super flexible so you can have a life outside of medicine too. And then there’s this 2-part question which I have received by several men, usually (disturbingly) of my generation. Q – What are you studying at school? A (they want to hear) – A masters in homemaking. A (actual) – Medicine. Q – So, does that mean you’ll like be a nurse? A (they want to hear) – Yes. A (actual) – No, a doctor. (what I think is, if you were asking this question to a man and you got the response of medicine would you assume it was actually nursing or something other than medicine?) And then I think my favorite of all time: Q – So, are female doctors still called doctors? A (they want to hear) - ??? A(actual) – Yes. A (what I want to say) – No, they’re called “doctresses”. This is just a snapshot of some of the scintillating conversations you can have as a med student.